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| A view of the experiment from above |
Title:
Physiological and Psychological Effects of
Entrapment in a Complex Maze
2012 May 5
Department of Biology
Dept of Psychology
The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
BACKGROUND
The purpose of this study was to gauge the effects of forcing lab rats to repeatably run through a complex maze.
Unfortunately, due to protests by animal rights activists from the neighboring (and notably left leaning) city of Carrboro, we were forced to abandon the use of rats and mice in our laboratory maze experiments.
To avoid the ethical, legal and moral complications of using animals, the design of this research experiment was adjusted to use human subjects instead.
METHODS
Design
To accommodate the larger size of human subjects, a 750 acre maze was carved into the Carolina North Forest on the UNC Campus. To blind the research subjects to the purpose of this experiment, the purported reason for the event was a "trail race".
This was the 5th iteration of this experiment, and for this test case 176 volunteers were recruited by the research team posing as a fictitious running group called the "Trail Heads".
RESULTS
Measurement #1: Exertion to physical failure
A robotic decoy, model #D.HOGE.1000 (here after referred to as the DH1000), was once again deployed as a stimulus. The DH1000 was set to a speed of 10 mph and launched into the maze.
This induced several test subjects to attempt to follow, despite the speed being beyond what any human can sustain in the maze. These subjects all ran themselves into complete exhaustion within 8 minutes.
It was observed that subject #53 (shirtless douche bag, male), did not attempt pursue the DH1000, as he has in 2 previous trials. This demonstrates that "learning" can be achieved through repeated negative reinforcement of applied pain and suffering.
Measurement #2: Application of Extreme Heat and Humidity
At exactly 10 minutes into the experiment, the temperature was raised to 25 degrees C, and humidity to 90%. As expected, this induced sweating, discomfort, and illness among the test subjects.
Subject #53 began to exhibit erratic behavior, including slurred speech and a wobbling gait. When presented with cups of water, subject dumped them on his head instead of ingesting them.
Measurement #3: Effects of random and rapid changes in direction
In order for test subjects to exit the maze, they were forced to endure 800 random turns designed to confuse and disorient. Subjects showed signs of nausea, bewilderment, and depression.
Test subject #53 was observed to be weeping uncontrollably, and shouting "Is there any fricking end to this?! How do I get out of here?!"
CONCLUSIONS
Tricking human volunteer test subjects into a giant maze in the woods, and then observing them trying to escape can be wildly entertaining.
As in previous experiments, subject #53 was again observed to have sustained physical trauma.
To correct this, a gift certificate to Balanced Physical Therapy was promptly administered.
BACKGROUND
The purpose of this study was to gauge the effects of forcing lab rats to repeatably run through a complex maze.
Unfortunately, due to protests by animal rights activists from the neighboring (and notably left leaning) city of Carrboro, we were forced to abandon the use of rats and mice in our laboratory maze experiments.
To avoid the ethical, legal and moral complications of using animals, the design of this research experiment was adjusted to use human subjects instead.
METHODS
Design
To accommodate the larger size of human subjects, a 750 acre maze was carved into the Carolina North Forest on the UNC Campus. To blind the research subjects to the purpose of this experiment, the purported reason for the event was a "trail race".
 |
| 176 Test Subjects. Identity concealed to protect anonymity |
This was the 5th iteration of this experiment, and for this test case 176 volunteers were recruited by the research team posing as a fictitious running group called the "Trail Heads".
RESULTS
Measurement #1: Exertion to physical failure
A robotic decoy, model #D.HOGE.1000 (here after referred to as the DH1000), was once again deployed as a stimulus. The DH1000 was set to a speed of 10 mph and launched into the maze.
This induced several test subjects to attempt to follow, despite the speed being beyond what any human can sustain in the maze. These subjects all ran themselves into complete exhaustion within 8 minutes.
It was observed that subject #53 (shirtless douche bag, male), did not attempt pursue the DH1000, as he has in 2 previous trials. This demonstrates that "learning" can be achieved through repeated negative reinforcement of applied pain and suffering.
 |
| Subject #53 (nipples redacted) showing signs extreme physical stress and erratic behavior (photo by Drew Kelley) |
Measurement #2: Application of Extreme Heat and Humidity
At exactly 10 minutes into the experiment, the temperature was raised to 25 degrees C, and humidity to 90%. As expected, this induced sweating, discomfort, and illness among the test subjects.
Subject #53 began to exhibit erratic behavior, including slurred speech and a wobbling gait. When presented with cups of water, subject dumped them on his head instead of ingesting them.
Measurement #3: Effects of random and rapid changes in direction
In order for test subjects to exit the maze, they were forced to endure 800 random turns designed to confuse and disorient. Subjects showed signs of nausea, bewilderment, and depression.
Test subject #53 was observed to be weeping uncontrollably, and shouting "Is there any fricking end to this?! How do I get out of here?!"
CONCLUSIONS
Tricking human volunteer test subjects into a giant maze in the woods, and then observing them trying to escape can be wildly entertaining.
As in previous experiments, subject #53 was again observed to have sustained physical trauma.
To correct this, a gift certificate to Balanced Physical Therapy was promptly administered.
I guess that means you were first placed human. Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteIs subject #53 carrying a book? I bet the name of the experiment threw him off. What's he reading? Kant? Hume? Nietzsche?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you carried your journal so you could record your thoughts and feelings during the experiment. Smart move.
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised they didn't deploy the #D.ROCHE.2000. The DR2000 tricks you into chasing him by acting all friendly and smart at the starting line. But the DR2000 is pure evil. Pure, fast, evil.
Oh, and you look much better redacted. You should do that in all of your race reports. ;-) Great stuff, AC!
Well, now, that just sounds scary to me.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the awesome finish time, Anthony! I hope you're recovering well!
Subject #53 does not appear able to pat head and rub tummy at the same time. Audience wishes more were redacted. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteAll subjects are incredibly lucky during this trial because we aligned the magnetic forces within the Wormhole to actually allow anyone to escape into the same space-time continuum in which they began. We had toyed with the idea of setting that section to dispense subjects back to the starting line a week before the trial so they would have to continue running. Goofus suggested that we launch the subjects to the finish line at 2:33 pm the day of the trial to gauge the level of disorientation upon reviewing the disappearance of administrative and clinical support. We encourage your feedback on how to make the trial more effective and the adjustment of time and space are foremost in our planning for the next iteration in January of 2013 at Little River Regional Park. Please submit your kevlar bracelets for scanning and do not attempt to remove the timing chip planted in your brainstem. Thank you for your support!
ReplyDeleteSubject#53 would prefer no changes to experiment, as he loved every minute of it, and is finally figuring out how to exit the maze.
DeleteSome cheese at the end would be nice however.